"I'll be the one in the mumu"

He's saying: "Mommy, get over yourself and take me swimming!!"

There was a time when I was a very social person. I never passed up a chance at a party. There were times I probably should have..but yes that's for another day...

Ever since I had Miles and stopped working, I've become like a hermit. There really is no nicer way to put it, I am a hermit. I blamed it on the neighborhood we lived in when I first had him. We moved there a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant. The realtor called it 'west Ukrainian Village', which is a pretty cool neighborhood in the city. In truth, it was more accurately Humboldt Park. Let's just say it got a little 'gangy' by the time you got to our stop on the bus... The only other people in the neighborhood were polish, and spoke only polish, and did not like people who were not polish on their block. So...I had the baby two months early, spent a month living in what I call 'the hole'- the NICU, brought him home, and held up for the winter in our third floor apartment. By the time April started showing signs of a thawing, we moved. 

Our new neighborhood (not so new now..) is absolutely perfect. Apparently, if you have a baby or are thinking of having a baby in the city of Chicago you live in Lincoln Square. We're two blocks from an awesome park, the train, everything. There are great schools in every direction and EVEN a great PUBLIC school- there's an idea! Anyway, the streets are crawling (no pun intended..) daily with mom's pushing strollers. Yet somehow, I have met no one. I've joined three 'playgroups' on meetup.com that have something going on almost every day of the week. I got kicked out of one for not attending anything in a month (bitches, whatever.) I drug myself to a 'snack and stroll' with another one where no one (that's right- NO ONE) showed up. I felt like I was being stood up by the cool girls in middle school...again... So I recently dropped that one and committed to the one that seems to have nice people. We have a playdate tomorrow at a local park- I'm sorry, a local pool. 

I RSVP'd yes, and am starting to chicken out already. I cannot bare getting in the water with a bunch of other new mom's who all look like they adopted, since they're smaller than I was before I gained 70 lbs during my pregnancy. I am trying to tell myself over and over that 1. Miles LOVES to swim, and it's not his problem if I'm fat. and 2. No one will care if I'm fat, and if they do I don't want to be friends with them anyway. But...alas...I can't help it. Not even my obscenely overpriced one piece, black suit from Bloomingdales can help me now. Since it isn't a pants suit. God I would look terrible in a pants suit. Correction, no one should wear a pants suit. Anyway- I need to go to meet other mothers who are staying home with their kids and not losing their mind. I need to do something for Miles other than dragging him around with just me all day running endless errands to keep myself busy. There are not many things I know for sure in this world, or believe I am good at. But, so far, I am a damn good mom. He deserves the best of everything, and that means interacting with other babies (yes I know they just stare at each other and try to grab his face since he's the only almost ten month old not crawling..) but still, he loves it. 

I need to go tomorrow, for myself, and for my little boy. I'm going to send myself good thoughts, and just show up. What's the worst that can happen? I get there, take my clothes off to get in the water, and all the other mothers coil away in disgust, won't let their children near Miles because his mom's a monster? Maybe. I guess it'll beat sitting home or taking endless walks in silence all day...